


The Sharpest Pain

by agirl4allfandoms



Series: Betrayal [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bloodplay, Branding, Broken Bones, Demon Dean Winchester, Episode: s05e13 The Song Remains the Same, Episode: s06e22 The Man Who Knew Too Much, Episode: s07e01 Meet the New Boss, Episode: s12e01 Keep Calm and Carry On, F/M, Flashbacks, Godstiel - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Knifeplay, Major Character Injury, Michael Possessing John Winchester, Miscarriage, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Rough Sex, Soulless Sam Winchester, Unprotected Sex, Vaginal Sex, surgery (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2020-12-09 15:37:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20997203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agirl4allfandoms/pseuds/agirl4allfandoms
Summary: BetrayalSet at the end of season 11 and into season 12. Slight canon divergence in places.What would happen if the boys and John rescued a sixteen year old girl around '98 and took her in and raised her in the life? Let's find out...





	1. Chapter 1

She watched from where she knelt next to Castiel as Sam paced back and forth. “Sam, if you don’t stop. I swear I’m going to stab you.” She told him as the younger Winchester stopped mid stride and cocked his head at her. “I’d listen to her. I’m in no shape to heal you if she does grave damage and we have more pressing issues to worry about.” The angel piped up from her side wincing slightly as the movement hurt most of his injuries. Castiel was right, of course, the sun was dying and the world would die with it. If that wasn’t bad enough Dean had gone off some time ago with a soul bomb inside of him to kill the Darkness and Chuck (or God or whatever you want to call him) to stop it and had yet to return.

She helped Castiel to his feet which was a chore in it of itself considering his size compared to her but his weakened state made it easier. It was made ten times easier once Sam took a hold of Castiel’s other side as they shuffled outside. To see the sun the way it was now was devastating in a way she couldn’t explain. Sam and her put Castiel in the back seat then they got in the front seats. It was odd being in the Impala without Dean. She was usually in the back while the Winchesters were in front. She was used to his banter with Sam and her but now it was quiet so very quiet and unsettling. Sam started the car and let the rumble of the engine and Castiel’s pained breathing fill the inevitable silence. The drive back to the bunker was long and unbearable as the tension rose and the quiet stretched out.

By the time they had reached their destination she had a plan formed, pack a bag and get out. She didn’t want to be in the bunker without Dean, she didn’t want to watch Sam go downhill and she didn’t want to watch Castiel mourn for his friend. She loved them all but the bunker wouldn’t be home without Dean. That plan was shot all to hell as the second they entered the bunker an unknown female announced herself as Antonia Bevell or something. The unknown woman had a gun pointed at Sam but when she went for her knife Castiel gripped her ankle from where he had fallen next to her right before he was banished from the bunker entirely.

* * *

They landed in an empty field somewhere far away from the bunker she was sure only because she couldn’t see it anymore. All she could gather from what little the woman said before she banished Castiel was that Dean was successful and had saved the world yet _again_. She groaned and turned to say something to Castiel but he was nowhere in sight. _'Fan-fucking-tastic now I have to look for an injured angel.'_ She thought to herself as she righted her body and started walking in some aimless direction. “Cas! Cas, where are you?!” She shouted as she heard a groan and a barely audible grunt that sounded like ‘here’. She turned back around and shuffled through bushes and trees before she found him. She winced at the state of him he looked worse and she wasn’t even sure that was possible with how bad he had looked before. She rushed to his side and hugged him ignoring the wince he let out at the action. “What were you thinking, you idiot? You’re supposed to be saving your grace to heal yourself.” She questioned as he gave a breathy little chuckle. “I didn’t want to lose another friend today.” He shrugged in that gruff voice of his. He shed his trench coat and spread it as best he could onto the hard ground for them to lie on.

She gently pushed him back onto it and cuddled up to his side. She shivered and she wasn’t quite sure if it was from her lack of layers or from the events of the day. “Do you want to talk about it?” He asked as he wrapped around her as best he could without pestering his injuries. “Not particularly. There’s too much going on in my head to pick one thing out any way.” She told him and he scoffed which caused his breath to caress the top of her head. “The Winchesters have taught you well then. Don’t talk. Don’t feel. Just hunt.” He said and with each sentence the bitterness was more evident in his voice. “Cas, it’s just… I can’t talk about any of it because it won’t do any good and it hurts too much.” She said through choked sobs. “We’ve put you through so much over the years. Why do you stay?” He questioned as he winced slightly from the pain in her voice. “Cause I love you guys. No matter what you’ve done or will do that’ll never change.” She told him simply as he hummed appreciatively.

She wasn’t sure when they had fallen asleep but the sun shining in her face and the birds singing loudly woke her with a start. She turned into Castiel more and noted that he wasn’t bloody anymore and that his clothes smelled cleaner. “Hmm, I could get used to this.” He breathed into her hair and the sleepy gruffness of his voice sent shivers down to her toes. She opened her eyes and finally took him in, he looked better. Some wounds were still healing but the majority of them were gone. “You look better.” She stated simply. “I feel better too. I wish we could stay here.” He said with a small genuine smile. “Me too but Sam’s in danger and Dean is somewhere. We have to go back to the bunker.” She sighed out against his side. “I know but I want to do something first. May I?” He asked and she just stared at him before she nodded her consent. He pressed two fingers to her forehead just as she felt his presence slip into her mind he shifted through various years’ worth of memories before he pulled away. “You love me differently. You didn’t before but you do now. You love me the way I love you.” He stated before he pulled her face up to his to meet their lips in a bruising kiss that had all the love and strength his angelic grace possessed.

When he pulled away once the need for her to breathe became prominent she looked at him with a dopey little smile. He pulled her to her feet and fixed his coat before he took her hand and flew them near the bunker. She let the slight nauseous feeling settle for a few minutes before she spoke. “Can you go in, now?” She asked before she felt him put out a feeler with his grace. “I can. I also detect two people inside one is Dean and the other I’m not sure who it is.” He told her before he led her to the door. “Wait. I… Can you just take us inside my room? I don’t think I’m ready to face Dean yet.” She asked him in a small quiet voice that was foreign to her own ears. “Sure.” He said and with a flutter of wings they were in the middle of her room. “Do you want to take a shower?” He asked her as he let go of her hand. “I want to but I don’t think I’m up for it. I’m so tired, Cas.” She told him as her voice became even smaller. “Here. Let me.” He said as he put two fingers to her forehead again and she felt his grace encompass her whole being as a bright light filled the room. He removed his fingers from her skin and she opened her eyes to look in the mirror opposite them. She was no longer in her off shoulder sweater, jeans and boots but instead she was wearing a baggy shirt she’d stolen from Sam long ago and fresh underwear. She went to thank the angel but he had an unreadable expression on his face. “Dean’s praying for me. I’ll be right back.” He said as he kissed her before he disappeared. 

She desperately wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for a week even with Castiel taking most of her weariness away. Part of her also wanted caffeine like yesterday. Soon she found herself tiptoeing to the kitchen afraid if she made any loud noises someone would seek her out. She stood in the kitchen next to the coffee maker as it made another pot, Dean and whoever else was in the bunker had indulged in the first one. She was on the counter reaching for a cup that was on a shelf that was too high in her opinion but when you lived with people that were basically giants compared to you it was an everyday occurrence that things were out of your reach. She was muttering damnation to all the tall people when she heard the shuffle of bare feet behind her. “That’s a pretty fine view darlin’.” A deep and familiar voice spoke up from where the sound of feet stopped just in the doorway. She forgot how underdressed she was, it never bothered the boys not when they were themselves any way <strike>(she had been sexually assaulted and tortured at the hands of Sam when he was soulless and Dean when he was a demon)</strike>. She hopped down quickly still facing away from the person. She fixed her coffee in the tooth rotting way Sam hated, four spoonfuls of sugar and two spoonfuls of creamer maybe more when it was liquid.

She took a deep breath and turned around to be met with a sight she hadn’t seen in a long time. John Winchester stood a few feet from her shirtless in a pair of striped pajama bottoms. She let out a gasp and despite herself the mug she held slipped from her grip and crashed to the floor and shattered. She ignored the sharp pain in her foot as hot coffee spilled across it. Her blood ran cold and fear gripped her chest, her breath started coming in short pants. She was panicking and she wasn’t sure why. Would he tell Dean what they had done all those years ago when they sought comfort in each other’s arms? Would Dean tell him what Sam and he had done to her when they weren’t themselves? The sound of fluttering broke through her haze of panic and she saw Castiel’s pants come into her line of vision which was blurring more and more with the small amount of oxygen she was allowing her brain at the moment. He said something in Enochian she was sure was some term of endearment or a curse word it was hard to tell. He grabbed her hands which were clutching her chest and placed them on his own. She felt his heartbeat calm and steady as she started to breathe in sync with it. Her head cleared and only one thing kept going through her mind ‘how?’. She looked up into the clear deep blue eyes she was always so fond of. They held a question in them and she nodded without knowing what it was. In a flutter they were in a cabin not far from the bunker that the Men of Letters used as a safe house some twenty or so years ago.

The boys had found and fixed it up to its former glory. That was before though before the Mark of Cain, before demon Dean and before the Darkness. She looked around at the room she had designed for herself in case she ever needed to be here. Castiel was patient and just held her to him until she was ready to talk. “How?” She asked simply into his chest. “From what Dean told me, Amara. She brought back what he wanted most.” He told her as he soothed a hand up and down her back. “How did you know I was having a panic attack? I wasn’t praying.” She questioned as she breathed in more of his comforting scent. “I may or may not have bonded with you when I cleaned you.” He said bashfully as he buried his face in her hair. “Like you did with Dean when you pulled him out of Hell?” She asked as she pulled back to look up at his face. “A little more profound even though my bond with him is profound. Mine and yours is more of a mate type bond. I didn’t mean too it just happened. I’ve always loved you and when I found out you felt the same my grace took over once I touched you again.” He told her and she wanted to berate him but the blush that colored his face down to his neck was such a pretty shade against his dark hair and blue eyes that she just smiled at him.

They stayed like that looking at each other until his blush faded. “You think we can get off the floor now?” She questioned when her knees started hurting. He just lifted her to her feet and led her to the bed where he laid her down gently. “We both need to rest. You only got a few hours of sleep and my grace still needs more time to recharge.” He told her as he climbed onto the bed next to her.

* * *

Her dreams were filled with the image of Amara feeding on her soul. She felt broken and empty inside for the first time since her family had been slaughtered and John rescued her all that time ago. A loud thumping noise startled her from her restless sleep. She blinked the sleep out of her eyes a few times and looked for the source until she realized it was someone knocking on the cabin door. She untangled herself from a still very much asleep Castiel and went through the living room to open the door. “Hey, sweetheart. How ya feeling? Dad said you had a panic attack upon seeing him. Figured Cas couldn’t have taken you very far with low grace.” Dean said as he leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed. “I’m fine, Dean. Better now that I’ve had some rest. I just… I just think I’m going to stay here for a while.” She told him as she wrapped her arms around herself for comfort. “You’re moving out of the bunker?” He asked as an unreadable expression flitted across his handsome face. “I have to, Dean. I just have to. I need to for my sake.” She told him as she curled in on herself a little more.

The eldest Winchester just stood there opening and closing his mouth until he found his voice again. “You need to?... We need to find Sam and rescue him from that woman Cas told me about. That’s what we need to do.” He all but shouted at her. “You, John and Castiel can do that. I will stay here and do research or help out from home base.” She countered as he just glared at her. “This… This is about what I did to you right when I had the Mark and when I was a demon? You don’t want to be near me anymore? I thought Cas erased your memories and healed you.” He retorted as he stalked into the cabin finally. “He doesn’t always listen to you. I told him not to take them. That isn’t what this about though I had half my soul sucked out by that bitch; she almost took me from you and Sam all while you were fawning over her. I’m supposed to be the little sister you never had but you were ready to feed me to the wolves just to get a woman. I could’ve died. Hell, I have died for you more times than I can count. I am tired of fighting and hunting. I need a break for the sake of my own sanity. Moreover, I just can’t be near your dad right now. I’m sorry.” She told him as he looked over her shoulder with a sad expression.

She heard Castiel clear his throat before he moved to step beside her and grabbed her hand. “This thing with her soul can it be fixed?” Dean asked him. “It can but it would be painful and she’d need to bind herself to an angel. I will do it once my grace is fully charged. In the meantime it would be wise for her to stay here in this state because she is very weak and vulnerable.” He told the other man as he squeezed her hand reassuringly. “Right, well we should head out to see if we can get a lead on Sam.” Dean said as he walked back out onto the small porch then disappeared into the surrounding woods. “Are you going to tell him why you can’t be around his father?” Castiel asked as he spun her into his chest. “When I’m ready. Go, go find Sam.” She told him as she hugged him tight before he vanished with a flutter.

She had been restocking the cupboards and the fridge when a knock on the door broke her out of her mental checklist making. “Dean, I already told you I’m not going.” She said as she opened the door without looking up at the person. “Yeah he told me about that. Didn’t mention why just said you wanted a break and were gonna help us from here. I just stopped by because I wanna know why. You had a pretty big freak out when you saw me and I also wanted to make sure you were okay.” John said in that smooth baritone of his that always sent a wave of butterflies off in her stomach but now she just felt sick. “I um… I was just shocked by it all. I got injured in a way and I’m not fit enough to be fighting.” She told him as he walked into the living room and looked around. “They don’t know do they? Never told them what happened between us? How you used to call me Daddy and beg for me all while drenching my cock in your juices? Never told them what happened when I was possessed by Yellow Eyes or how I used you as bait when I made my deal?” He asked as he looked around and smiled showing off his dimples underneath the beard.

She shook her head and looked down at her feet to keep her gaze from his. “I… No, never thought it was my place. I was too hurt after your death to mention the bait thing. You did a lot more than that though, several years ago the boys set off the apocalypse and we got sent back in time to stop an angel from killing you and Mary but things happened and you got possessed by an archangel named Michael. He sent Sam and Dean back but kept me there for a while and tortured me sexually, emotionally and mentally. I bear his mark on my ribs, your initials to be exact.” She told him as she wrapped her arms around herself to stop him from noticing the ‘S.W.’ scars that cut through the anti-possession tattoo on her wrist. 

He made an odd sound and his boots came into her view. “It wasn’t me you know, with Yellow Eyes or that angel. I know it wasn’t right using you for bait in that boiler room but it worked out in the end.” He told her as he put his hands on her shoulders to comfort her. “I can’t John, I just can’t. The last time I saw any version of you it broke me, you broke me. It doesn’t matter that you were possessed for all intents and purposes it was you. To be fair the boys have done their fair share of damage to me too. For instance these: Dean did this with a knife called the First Blade… Castiel can’t heal it and Sam did this with a wire coat hanger… Castiel was MIA doing heavenly business so he didn’t get a chance to heal it.” She told him as she showed him the ‘D.W.’ scars on her collarbone and the scars on her wrist.

He huffed out a deep breath and threw himself down onto a nearby chair. “I don’t understand why the boys hurt you? You’re like Dean’s little sister, I mean you’re only a year older than Sam. I remember the day we rescued you, I’d never seen them so gone on a victim before.” He sighed out as he ran his hands down his face. “They weren’t themselves when they did it. If it-...” She started but a sharp pain in the back of her head made her wince and double over with her hands on her head. Before she had a chance to realize what happened, everything went black.


	2. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some serious triggers in this chapter so please if any of the tags bother you don't read!

_ **1978: Lawrence, KS - Campbell House/Unknown Location** _

_She stood frozen and gagged by Michael’s powers as Dean and the archangel had a ‘long overdue’ conversation while Mary was unconscious and Sam was severely injured. She watched as Sam and Dean got sent back to their time but flinched inwardly when Michael made no move to snap her back as well. “I know you, don’t I? I mean in your time you’re the adopted sister of the Winchesters but you and Daddy here had some very good times before he died. I can’t access those memories because they don’t exist in this mind but I can access yours. This might hurt, I’m more powerful than Castiel.” He told her as he brought his fingers to her forehead with a devilish smirk._

_She screamed as his grace invaded her mind and sifted through decades worth of memories until he found the ones of her and John. “Aha, there they are.” He laughed with a touch of malice. “Ooh, he was especially rough at this moment. I bet I can do better though. I could leave a mark that no one will be able to heal or even see.” He continued and she breathed deeply as he removed his fingers. “What about Mary? She’s right there.” She questioned as he released her completely and she was free to move once again. “What about her? She’ll stay unconscious until I wake her up and I meant what I told Dean. I’m going to wipe their memories when I leave so even though John is in here, he won’t remember what happens between us. He may get a vague sense of deja vu in the future when you meet but that’s about it.” He answered as he changed their location to an unknown room._

_Her stomach roiled as she let the unease of teleportation settle. “Where are we?” She asked in a small voice as she took in the unsavory location. “Somewhere no one will hear you scream.” He answered simply with a sinister smile and glow of his eyes. With a snap of his fingers she found herself naked and trussed up from chains that dangled from the vaulted ceiling. “You humans seem to think that torture is beneath Angels but we are actually more vicious than Demons in that respect.” He told her as he took his angel blade from his pocket and traced the point along her skin. She shivered as the cold unyielding metal touched her. “You’ll kill me if you use that.” She stuttered out through her fear. “Oh, I don’t intend to kill you. I just want to make you bleed a lot. I’ll cut and cut until you’re light headed from blood loss then I’ll use you for my own pleasure. Once I’ve bled and filled you, I’ll mark you right here.” He said as he tapped the blade under her left breast._

_She screamed as pain erupted from another cut that was inflicted on her body. There were over a dozen across her chest alone and some more on her thighs. She was exhausted from the blood loss. “Michael. Please, stop, I'm so tired.” She begged and was met with a dark chuckle as the blade pierced her skin again. “You called him **Daddy**. I think I want you to beg me to stop the way you used to beg him, the way you begged Azazel when he had this vessel under lock and key and almost killed you until Sam shot him in the knee with the Colt.” He told her in a tone that brokered no room for argument. “Please, Daddy. Please, stop. Please. Please. **Daddy**...” She babbled and pleaded until she heard the blade hit the ground with a metallic clank_.

_He snapped his fingers and his clothes vanished in a flash. She didn’t have a second to admire this age of John before he thrust his cock into her unlubricated slit. She cried out in pain as he set a brutal pace that shook the chains she hung from. She must’ve blacked out at some point because she came to and he had stilled inside her with his eyes glowing bright blue. “It’s too bad you’re not my intended. The mere thought of you going back to the Winchesters with my seed growing in you is heady. I might not be able to own your body or soul but I’ll own the closest thing to it.” He told her as he placed his hand on the left side of her chest. She cried out as she felt a sharp pain. He pressed his fingers to her forehead and light surrounded her as she found herself healed and dressed. “I’m sending you back minutes after them so they won’t suspect a thing, the angel on the other hand might.” He told her and with a wave of his hand, she found herself standing in the motel room she’d been sharing with the brothers. She fainted and barely registered a pair of strong arms catching her before she fell to the floor._

* * *

She woke with a start in a room she was familiar with but had never actually been in. “What happened?” She croaked out her voice hoarse. “You collapsed and had a seizure or what appeared to be a seizure. The part of your soul that’s left is knocking down some walls and making you relive your worst memories. I saw everything.” Castiel told her as he came to stand beside the makeshift bed they’d apparently set up in the dungeon. “I suppose I’ll have to stay down here until you’re able to fix it?” She asked as he took her hand. “I… I never knew. How did I not know what he did to you? I should’ve been able to figure it out. We got a location on Sam. I have to put you back to sleep until we return.” He told her as he placed two fingers to her temple. 

* * *

** _2010: Campbell Compound - Panic Room/Dumping Ground_ **

_Sam (who was alive apparently and not possessed by Lucifer) had tracked her down where she was taking college courses and practically dragged her away from school on the basis that he needed a partner and hunting on his own was not all he thought it would be. They’d been hunting again for a few months before they met a group of hunters led by Sam’s grandfather Samuel._

_She was unsettled. Sam wasn’t himself; she just knew there was something off about him; he was without any emotions or sense of morality and was often willing to overlook the deaths of civilians as collateral damage instead of his normal desire to help people and protect the innocent. He’d go out to bars a lot more and pick up women often even going so far as to leave her in a city by herself with no way to travel back to the Campbell’s compound. It all came to a frightening head one day when they needed bait for a monster they were hunting._

_He dragged her out of bed by her hair and pulled her towards the panic room where unlike Bobby’s you could hear everything on the outside but nothing on the inside. “See we need a woman for bait and Gwen just doesn’t want to be helpful today so I have to get you ready. I’m going to have so much fun with you, princess.” He told her as he threw her into the room and the door banged shut behind him. “Sam, please. Please don’t do this. Think about how Dean would feel once he found out.” She pleaded with the tall unmoving man in front of her. “Dean wouldn’t care he’s too busy living the ‘apple pie’ life with **Lisa**.” He laughed out, a hollow sound laced with venom._

_She bit her tongue hard enough to taste copper as he ripped her night shirt off of her and exposed her bare skin to the cold room. “I used to be so jealous of all the men and women that got your attention when we were growing up but then you went with me to Stanford and I thought we’d finally have something except the only thing we had was a drunken night with Jess in the middle. I was so angry when I woke up next to her and not you.” He spit at her as he backhanded her with enough force to send her to the floor. She coughed and spit blood out of her mouth as she straightened up into a sitting position. “Sam, this isn’t you. I know it’s not. Something is wrong, you loved Jess. Only Jess. Always Jess.” She told him as he neared her. She gasped in pain as he pulled her hair to angle her head up to look at him._

_He stood looking down at her with the darkest expression she’d ever seen on his face. “That’s where you’re wrong. When we found you in that basement it was like a dream come true for me, I could finally have a normal life with someone. Fifteen year old me was smitten right away and the feelings kept getting deeper and deeper. I projected onto Jess and look where she ended up. If Yellow Eyes had known how I felt about you it would’ve been you in that fire. I protected you, I’ve always protected you.” He told her and before she could properly process what he had said he was on her. Teeth gnashing at her lips as he willed her to open her mouth to his aggressive kisses. She winced when he slammed her head back into the floor and he used the opportunity to choke her with his tongue._

_She cried out as he broke her wrist, her scream and the crunch of bone echoing off the walls. “I don’t get why you’re fighting me. Me, Dean and dad trained you. I have a move to counter every one of yours. We need you broken for the monster and I intend to break you in every way.” He said as he bit down on the juncture between her neck and shoulder hard enough that he drew blood. He pulled back and smirked at her, his teeth streaked red. She bit her lip as he dragged his mouth down her body until he reached her slit. He nipped at her clit just shy of painfully and then thrust two thick long fingers into her in a clinical perfunctory manner until he felt she was wet enough. He unzipped his jeans and pulled his cock out. He gave her a maniacal grin as her eyes widened in fear at the sheer size of his member. She watched as he gave himself a few unnecessary strokes and lined himself up with her center._

_She tried to shove him away with as much strength as she could muster in her uninjured hand but he just used his free hand to hold her wrists together and squeezed enough to send a jolt of pain through her body to make her pliant as he shoved into her unwilling body. She let out a blood curdling scream as he entered her and set a fast, hard and deep pace. She wasn’t sure if he’d hit her again or if she blacked out from the pain but she came to with Samuel yelling at Sam. “Sammy. Sammy, please stop.” She breathed out as the argument became clearer. “Jesus, Sam what did you do? I asked you to just break a few bones, not this. Get her in the car and dump her at the coordinates I gave you.” The elder said as the pain in both wrists registered she opened bleary eyes and saw the angry red initials ‘S.W.’ through her tattoo. She let her body go limp as Sam draped a sweater around her and carried her to his car._

_She barely managed to pick her head up when the car stopped at a deserted area. He picked her up from the passenger seat and placed her on the ground then threw a knife and her phone at her. “In case you need to protect yourself or call if they don’t take the bait.” He said as he walked back toward the car. She waited until she couldn’t hear the tires on the asphalt anymore to stretch her least injured hand out for the phone. She scrolled through the contacts until she got to the ‘D’ and tapped the call icon. **"This is Dean's other, other cell so, you must know what to do.”**Came from the other line. “I know… I know I’m not supposed to call but I need you, it's an emergency. Dean, I need you. Please.” She gasped out as the darkness surrounded her._

_She wasn’t sure how long she’d been there when she heard a familiar sound and then a familiar voice through the fog in her head. “Shit, sweetheart. What happened to you?” Dean asked in his gruff tone. “Sam.” She sighed out against his chest as he scooped her up in his arms._

* * *

She woke to the sound of crying until she realized it was her making the noise. She curled into a ball and wept until the pull of sleep dragged her down again. She desperately wanted this to stop, wanted to relive the good memories not the ones that broke her.

* * *

_ **2011: Crowley’s Lab/Heaven** _

_She gasped as Sam stabbed Castiel in the back with an angel blade and nothing happened except Castiel pulling the blade out and setting it down. “I'm glad you made it, Sam. But the angel blade won't work, because I'm not an angel anymore. I'm your new God. A better one. So you will bow down and profess your love unto me, your Lord. Or I shall destroy you.” Castiel said to the group of them. After a beat Bobby got down on his knees. “Well, all right then. Is this good, or you want the whole "forehead to the carpet" thing? Guys?” Bobby questioned and looked pointedly at Dean. Dean and Sam started to kneel and she followed suit but much faster as her knees hit the floor with a quiet thud. “Stop. What's the point if you don't mean it? You fear me. Not love, not respect, just fear.” Castiel said as he looked over them. “Cas…-” Sam started but the angel cut him off. “Sam, you have nothing to say to me; you stabbed me in the back.” He said to the taller man then looked at Bobby and Dean: “Get up.”_

_She kept her head down as Dean and Cas had a verbal stand off then she felt a hand on her shoulder. “I hope for your sake this is the last you see me.” Castiel said and her world shifted as she opened her eyes, she found herself in a room fit for a princess. “I need you to stay here. I have to attend to some business but I’ll be back soon.” He told her before he vanished. ‘Stay here’ had apparently meant to stay in this position, in this spot because even though she had tried desperately to move she couldn’t. She lost track of time as she kneeled on the plush carpet and the analog clock next to the vanity was no help; it could’ve been P.M. or A.M. by now. “You’re such a good worshipper, a good follower and a good pet.” Castiel told her as his breath caressed her ear. She nearly jumped out of her skin at his sudden appearance._

_She opened her eyes as he released his commandment on her. She breathed with relief as she stood up and got a good look at the room, finally. “Fit for a Queen. It’s a secret part of heaven that only God can enter. I want you to rule beside me and all I ask in return is your undying devotion.” He said as he stood in front of her to catch her gaze. “Cas, you’re sick… you’re crazy. You took me from them so I could rule beside you? They’re my family, I can’t go against them.” She stuttered out in fear as his expression turned morose. “I could laugh after what they’ve done to you especially Sam, you’re still willing to die for them, with them. You’ll never age here, never die. I can protect you better than they ever could.” He nearly shouted at her and before she could form a retort she found herself tossed onto the bed by his grace._

_He snapped his fingers and her clothes vanished. She tried to scream at him but couldn’t find her voice. His grace swept over her and latched onto all her pleasure points. “I’m going to give you three chances to give me your undying devotion. I’m not going to touch you though, I’m going to let my grace do all the work. It can be very intense so I’m sure I won’t have to even make it to three.” He told her just as tendrils of his grace pushed inside her mouth, cunt and puckered hole. Smaller tendrils were torturing her nipples and clit but she could barely breathe much less moan or talk at the fullness she felt. Every time she clenched to push the invisible forces out they got bigger. She stopped fighting if only to lessen the stretch her body was feeling. He sensed her become pliant and doubled down until she thrashed against the bed as best she could. Despite her brain willing her body to not enjoy this, she felt heat spread through her underbelly at his ministrations._

_She felt tears slip down her cheeks as the knot in her center got tighter and tighter. Suddenly everything stopped and the force in her mouth disappeared as Castiel came to stand over her. “One. Are you ready to devote yourself to me, to your new God?” He asked and let out a growl as she shook her head. “Very well, then.” He merely muttered as the tendril wound its way into her mouth again, this time much bigger stretching her lips wide into a comical ‘o’. It took less time for her to feel on edge than before but again it stopped just before she could reach her climax. “Two. Are you ready now?” He asked again from beside her, he looked calm and collected a contrast to what she must’ve looked like she was sure. She felt tacky and sticky with sweat and tears. She shook her head again and gave him her best ‘go to hell’ glare before everything turned up to eleven. She was so out of it the next time the torture stopped that she barely heard his question. “Three. Are you ready for it to end, for you to vow yourself to me?” He asked and she had just enough energy to shake her head in answer. “Hmm? I should’ve known you’d be tough. I think I’ll use a different tactic then. I’ll be right back.” He told her as he vanished with a flutter._

_It felt like an eternity for her before he came back and pressed his fingers to her forehead. She found herself clean and clothed then he grabbed her arm and teleported them to a place that was familiar to her but looked so much brighter. A sudden voice rang out and she felt her heart clench at the sound. She spun on her heels and was greeted with the sight of her mother and father. “This… This is their Heaven? This was the day they were slaughtered.” She stuttered out as her little brother bounded into view. His laughter resounded through the open field as his father tickled him. She stilled as Castiel wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her body into his. “There’s only one thing missing though, you. This is their happiest memory, a day without fighting. See if you agree to become my Queen, you’ll get to see your **real** family whenever you want.” He breathed into her ear and as she opened her mouth to answer, a call of her name had her attention. “Joey.” She said as her brother came running up to her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “You’re finally here, we’ve been waiting for you.” He sighed out against her shirt. “I’m here.” She said simply as she carded her hand through his blonde curls. He let go and ran back to their parents as she turned toward Castiel. “I devote myself to you, my Lord.” She swore to him and she could practically feel his grace vibrate through his body as he gave her a blinding smile._

_Time is wonky in Heaven, there is her analog clock but it doesn’t help her know what day it is or how long she’s been gone. She isn’t sure how much Castiel has done to the Earth by the time he comes into her room one day looking sick, in pain and covered in blood. She barely had a chance to open her mouth and speak before he grabbed her arm and with a flutter she found herself in Bobby’s living room. Castiel pressed his fingers to her temple and she felt fuzzy as she passed out._

* * *

She woke to a fluttering sound and sat up a bit to scan the room for the source. “I know you’re there. I remember you can make yourself invisible.” She said to the room at large. In the dark she could see two glowing blue orbs appear out of thin air. Castiel popped up in front of her with his hand outstretched. “Don’t touch me. You took that away from me, that memory?” She asked as he pulled his hand back and looked as if she’d kicked his puppy or worse. “I didn’t want you to hate me. I did so much bad when I took those souls and hurt everybody around me. It was the last good thing I did before I died.” He told her as he sat in a chair next to the bed. “How’s that working out for you?” She snarked before she took a deep breath and continued “I’m not saying I won’t forgive you but I’m upset about it at the moment. I can understand why you did it though and now I know why you gave me a choice when Dean asked you to wipe the ones of him. What are you doing here anyway?” She finished.

She watched as he put his hands on the blanket but did not dare to touch her. “I led John and Dean to the building Sam is being held in but it’s heavily warded so I came back to watch over you, you still have to get through the worst memory and I didn’t want you to be alone.” He told her as she sat up a bit more. “Can I ask you something?” She questioned. “Sure. Anything.” He responded and straightened up in his chair. “Michael wished I was his intended so that means my soulmate is still out there right?” She asked as she fiddled with her hands. “Not anymore. I… I’m your soulmate. It’s why he thought I would know what he did to you and why I accidently created a mating bond when I cleansed you yesterday.” He told her as he clasped her hands with one of his. “One more question. Will my soul bonding with your grace cause me to become a Nephilim? I mean that’s basically what they are right? Human soul infused with angelic grace.” She said as her breathing picked up and her anxiety started to spike. “No. No. Nephilim have to be created with intention. It’s the thought behind the act that makes them. You’ll merely be infused with enough of my grace to fill whatever portion of your soul is missing. You will most definitely still be human maybe just with some added quirks.” He told her as he grabbed both her hands and squeezed them in one of his.

She took a few deep calming breaths and nodded in response. “I’m ready, put me to sleep again.” She told him. “Remember. I’m right here.” He reminded her and she gave him a small smile in answer. He took his free hand and pressed two fingers to her forehead as he watched all the tension seep out of her body and her breathing even out.

* * *

** _2014: Outside Killdeer, ND - Farmhouse/Hospital/Hotel_ **

_When she exited the bathroom (for what felt like the millionth time) an incessant pounding on the front door finally got through her sleep addled mind. She hollered to the person to give her a minute. She trudged down the stairs and opened the curtain to see her fiance on the other side with cuts and blood all over his face. Without thinking she yanked the door open and dragged him inside and didn’t notice that the door wouldn’t close all the way. “Oh my god, Garrett. What happened to you?” She asked as she gently wiped some of the blood off his face. “I did,” said a familiar voice from the doorway. Despite the fact that he looked like he’d gone twelve rounds Garrett stood to his full height and shielded her with his body. “See I was in a strip club just passing time but then I caught a familiar scent and Garrett here refused to tell me where you were even though I beat him pretty badly so I followed him. Hiya, lil’ sis.” Dean said as he sauntered into the living room swinging the First Blade around in his hand as he waved to her._

_She stood frozen in shock behind Garrett with one hand protectively set on her stomach and the other around his arm. “Dean, what’re you doing here? The last call I got from Sam said you’d died after that I tossed my phone and never looked back.” She said and cursed internally when her voice wavered. “Yeah, I was briefly like maybe for a few hours but the Mark wouldn’t let me die so it turned me into a demon. I’ve just been hanging with Crowley since then but he lied to me and you know how I hate that so I’m on my own now. Like I said I was just at a club and smelled your scent so I tried to get your fiancé to tell me where you were but he said he didn’t know anyone by that name.” He told her with narrowed eyes as he pointedly looked at her left hand where it rested on Garrett’s forearm._

_She made to move toward him even when he flashed his onyx colored eyes at her but Garrett held her back. “Wouldn’t be the first time I changed my name. Had to do it after you guys found me couldn’t have my aunt and uncle thinking y'all kidnapped me and slaughtered my family. I’m happy with my life now, I’ve been out of the business for a while. I mean I’m engaged and…-” She stopped herself when Garrett gave her a look. “You’ve been gone for six months or so?” Dean laughed out loud. “So, what’s it matter how long we’ve been together. She told you she’s happy. If you’re here to bring her home, she won’t be going.” Garrett told him through clenched teeth. “Oh, see that’s where you’re wrong. If I want her I’ll take her and all I’d have to do is stab you in the heart, or slit your throat or cut your head off… Anyway you get the point.” He countered as he gave them a blinding smile. “Dean.” She admonished the older man with a scandalized look on her face. Sure he’d talk about killing monsters like that but Garrett was human and Dean would never kill a human, would he? “What just stating facts, sweetheart.” He simply told her._

_Without warning Garrett went flying back into the wall behind them and she looked toward Dean and saw his hand stretched put in front of him as a lazy grin spread across his face. “I think I’ll just keep him there while we catch up, sis.” He told her as he snapped his fingers and she found herself in her bedroom with Dean standing in the corner. “I don’t know why you keep calling me that.” She told him as he sat down on the bed next to her. “Habit. Started once I realized Sam had feelings for you then kept with it cause it compartmentalized my feelings for you. I don’t care one lick about any of that now though.” He told her as he placed a hand on her upper thigh and squeezed hard._

_She winced for a second before he continued to speak. “I thought Sammy was lucky he made it into that basement first because if it had been me, oh nineteen year old me would’ve been head over heels for the teen girl half naked and covered in blood. You became the daughter dad never had, he doted on you like no tomorrow. Sam though he stuck to you like glue always by your side but somehow I still thought you’d give me a chance if I just grew a pair and told you how I felt. Well, I saw the girls and boys that flocked to you for those three years before you followed Sam off to Stanford and I just couldn’t not after dad told you two to never come back. That night though a part of me thought you were distraught so I went by your room, knocked on the door and waited for nothing… Cause when I passed by dad’s room I heard him with a girl and then I heard a long high breathy ‘Daddy’, I knew it was you in there. Dad just couldn’t let you go off without bedding you, the asshole.” He scoffed and tightened his grip until she could practically feel the bruises forming._

_She kept the grimace off her face even as she spoke. “What is it with you and Sam? You guys wait until you’re basically monsters to reveal that you’ve had feelings for me since you rescued me. I don’t get it…” She said before he let go of her leg and grabbed her wrist with the tattoo and scars. “Because you’re ours. The me that had morals and stuff used to be disgusted by this mark but this me is just pissed Sam branded you first. Now, I have a chance to do it and I’m gonna make sure it can’t be healed.” He told her as he released his hold on her and got up and motioned for her to follow. “What are you doing?” She questioned as they headed back down the stairs to where Garrett was still against the wall. “I’m going to show your boy toy here who owns you and then I’m going to kill him.” He answered and with a flick of his hand released the younger man._

_Before she could blink Garrett flung himself at Dean fists flying and even though they connected in places that should’ve hurt him, they didn’t. The older man gave her an unimpressed look before he plunged the blade into the other man’s chest. She let out a blood curdling scream and his body slumped to the floor as blood pooled underneath him. She knelt down next to him and put pressure on the wound and apologized profusely to him until he weakly grasped her hands and shook his head. “Protect… The… Baby.” He breathed out and with a last shuddering breath he let go of her blood covered hands. “That’s what happens to heroes, sweetheart.” Dean told her simply when she looked up at him in shock. She took a shaky breath and before she could talk herself out of it she ran straight through the open back door._

_There was a creek by the back pasture, if she could make it there she could follow it to the next farmhouse which was only three to five miles away. He could teleport, she knew he could and he would track her scent but in an effort to protect herself and the little life inside her she needed to run. It was dark and cold but she ran at a dead run through the water not even caring that the wet rocks were tearing up her feet. She was breathing heavily and had a stitch in her side by the time she could see a small glow of light in her peripheral that signalled someone was in the stable of the Browning farm next door. It was only about fifteen feet away, she breathed a sigh of relief before a heavy weight shoved her into the muddy embankment._

_She scrambled up until she was in the trees and the weight shoved her down onto the cold leaf covered ground. “That was really stupid, sweetheart. You want more people to die because of you? I should break your neck but the Mark doesn’t want death right now, it wants blood and violence, I know just how to get it too.” He breathed into her ear before he slammed her face into the hard ground and lifted himself off of her enough to yank her sleep shorts and panties down to her knees._

_She tried to scream but with a snap of his fingers found herself unable to. He spit onto both of her holes and it sounded loud in the stillness of the woods. Without warning he shoved the hilt of the blade into her dry unprepared slit and began to thrust it in and out at a brutal pace. The pain made her mind foggy and she wasn’t sure at what point she’d gotten wet but she knew it was blood she could smell the tang of it in the air. A new sound hit her ears along with the wet squelching of the knife, it was the slapping of skin on wet skin. “Fuck. You’re doing so well. I could keep you and wouldn’t even have to kill anymore. I could just break you over and over to feed the Mark.” He grunted out and confirmed her suspicions as to what the sound meant. She tuned out him and the sounds as she kept up the string of thoughts that someone would hear them, someone would come._

_Something molten hot and wet hit her brutalized hole, she realized he’d come on her. He continued to thrust the handle of the blade into her a few more times before he pulled it free and she sobbed silently. Apparently being a demon gave you supernatural stamina because the next thing she felt was warm unyielding flesh as it was shoved into her body. She gasped in pain and blinked back the fresh wave of tears as they threatened to overtake her vision. He set the same pace he had with the knife. The pain became a dull ache aided by the slightly dried blood and his cum. He pulled out and flipped her over onto her back and shoved back into her. She kept her eyes closed through his assault. He groaned out his orgasm as he released inside of her, his cum coating her sore insides._

_She winced when he pulled out and she felt the blade against her collarbone. She silently begged for him to just kill her. Then she felt the piercing pain of him carving something into her skin and the blood dripping from the wound. He pulled the blade away from her and licked at the letters he made. She felt something dark flood into her and settle underneath her torn skin. “Not even Cas will be able to take it away. You’re marked as mine forever.” He told her before the faint sound of a dog barking got closer and closer to their location. She opened her eyes enough to see him flash her his signature smirk before he vanished. She could barely move so she just looked up at the sky and prayed for Cas. A wet sensation against her temple made her jump. She turned her head towards it and found the Browning’s bluetick coonhound Kaz. “Hey, buddy. You’re mom and dad around?” She questioned as she heard Mrs. Browning calling for him. Instead of going to his owner he draped himself over her body and howled mournfully towards the barn._

_The last thing she remembered was calling him a good boy and a bright light. She woke to a steady beeping and white light flooded her vision when she opened her eyes. “Oh, thank goodness you're finally awake, dear. I’ll go get the nurse.” Mrs. Browning’s soothing voice cut through the pain dazed fog in her head. A hand touched her several moments later and she tried to speak but nothing was coming out, the words were there poised on the tip of her tongue but they just wouldn’t come out. She cleared her throat and tried again. “The baby?” She questioned the young nurse. “I’m sorry, miss. You’ve been unconscious for three days. The doctor had to perform a D&C on you around the second day when you showed no signs of waking up…” Karli, the nurse’s voice faded out as reality crashed down around her. “I lost the baby. I tried so hard to protect him. I had just passed the three month mark and Garrett was sure it was a boy so we started calling him little G…” She gasped out as her breathing picked up and she could feel the edges of a panic attack coming._

_She felt a bit floaty after Karli had given her something to calm down. “Kaz is okay, he’s not hurt?” She asked Mrs. Browning. “He’s alright. I was a bit startled when I saw him partially covered in blood but it turned out to be yours. Tom and I have been switching shifts. We thought it best you had someone with you when you woke.” The older woman replied just as the nurse came back in. “I’m sorry to disturb you but there is a man at the front desk asking to see you, he says he’s your brother. He said his name is Sam.” Karli told her and waited patiently. “You can let him up, can you give me a minute to myself Mrs. Browning.” She said and smiled at the woman’s conflicted look, no one here thought she had any family of course they didn’t know her real name either, no one except Garrett…_

_She had almost dozed off when Sam came into the room. “I’m so glad you’re okay. I… I… I was so worried when the wire came through on my laptop about a body and an assault victim.” He stuttered out as he sat in the chair next to the bed. “Okay? Do I look okay, Sam? I’m alive but I’m far from okay. My fiancé was killed, I was.. I was attacked by someone I trusted and I lost my baby.” She told him as she tried and failed to keep the pain out of her voice. “I caught him. I’m going to cure him.” He told her in a small voice. “That’s good, Sam. Do whatever you have to to get your brother back. It won’t matter if I'm not coming home.” She said with more conviction than she felt. “But… We’re family.” He said with sadness in his voice. “Family? Does family do this to each other? I need time. If I come back it’ll only be as another hunter nothing else.” She nearly shouted at him as she pulled down the gown to show the craving of Dean’s initials on her skin. He stood up and strode to the door then stopped at the open doorway. He turned back once to give her a small wave goodbye then he was gone._

_She ignored the pain that shot through her body as she got out of the bed and walked over to the plastic hospital bag that contained her things. She dug out her cellphone and even though nobody had this number she’d added them into her contacts anyway. She scrolled through until she saw 'C. Black' and tapped twice to call. “Crowley, I need your help.” She said once the man picked up. “Anything to help you, mouse.” He replied as it echoed around the room. She spun around and clutched her racing heart. “Warn someone before you do that, jeez.” She nearly screamed at him. “So, what do you need?” He questioned with his signature smile. “I need somewhere to lay low, a place that isn’t accessible to any supernatural creature or human. Except us.” She told him as she closed the curtains around the bed blocking his view of her as she changed. “I think I know the place.” He told her once she reemerged and held his hand out for her to take._

_She opened her eyes and found herself in an extravagantly decorated hotel room. She looked around before turning a curious eye on Crowley. “It’s a hotel I built for when I needed a break or something. Gavin’s around here somewhere too, the place is warded against almost anything and it only accepts people I bring in. Do you need anything else?” He said as he watched her take in her new surroundings. “The nurse said that I should have someone with me for the next twenty-four hours incase complications from my D&C arise, can you stay with me?” She asked in a small voice, afraid he’d refuse and have a lower demon stay with her instead. “Sure anything for you, mouse.” He reassured her with a small genuine smile. “Why do you call me that? I mean it’s better than moose or squirrel but I’ve always been curious.” She questioned as she made herself comfortable on the big bed. “Seemed fitting especially when I first met you and you were tagging along with those idiots. You were so quiet, not meek but reserved in a way that made you stronger than them. I’m sorry about what Dean did, when he left that bar I should’ve followed him or something.” He told her as he took a seat in one of the chairs by the window and she just shook her head at him. “It wasn’t your fault from what Sam told me you were trying to feed the Mark as much as possible by throwing Abbadon’s followers at him to kill.” She told him as she finally felt exhaustion consume her._

_It could’ve been weeks or months she wasn’t sure but one day as she was reading from a book Gavin gave her on the bench seat of the bay window in her room she caught Castiel standing outside the building looking up toward the window even though she was positive he couldn’t see her. “He’s been calling me nonstop asking if I’ve seen you, the blasted bird must’ve tracked me back here somehow.” Crowley told her as he popped into her room, it was such a common occurrence that she barely flinched at it. “I don’t want to see him, or them. What does this look like from the outside, anyway.” She questioned as she absentmindedly played with the ring on a chain around her neck. “A very dilapidated but heavily warded warehouse. From the several voicemails Dean’s left me, he said Cas was looking for you on his orders.” He told her as he came to stand beside her and watched the angel disappear into thin air. “Yeah? No doubt he wants Cas to erase my memories of the ‘incident’ or worse do what he did to Lisa and Ben.” She scoffed barely hiding her snide tone._

_At dinner the next night, Crowley said he needed to speak to her about something while Gavin excused himself to give them privacy. “You know when I tortured Meg, she said a lot of things about her father’s plans. She told me that John Winchester knew your family was in danger because of how closely he was tracking Azazel and waited until they were killed to barge in and save you. Old Yellow Eyes had plans for you and that’s why Daddy Winchester took you with them. I don’t know how much of it is true of course but I thought you should know either way.” He told her as he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Thank you for telling me. You’re a really good friend, Crowley.” She said as she stood and placed a chaste kiss on his bearded cheek and retired to bed. She slept fitfully that night._

* * *

She woke up shaking with rage and sent a silent prayer to Castiel. When five minutes had passed and the angel didn’t appear she sighed then gingerly got out of the bed. She tiptoed across the cold concrete and just when she reached the door to open it she stopped short at the raised voices on the other side. “You have no idea what you're asking and it’s not your decision. I’m not going to bond with her without her consent!” Cas shouted. “She’s been out for three days. You have to do something!” Dean shouted back. She could see their shadows crossing in front of the door as if they were pacing around each other. “If you hadn’t marked her Amara wouldn’t have gone after her in the first place. The darkness you infused into her made her vulnerable. This is your fault!” Cas nearly bellowed as a set of feet stopped near the door. “You should’ve just erased her memories like I asked you to.” Dean huffed out as a deflection. “I only did that with Lisa and Ben because I felt it was right. She has no one and erasing her memories at the time wouldn’t have been right.” Cas countered before she heard the flutter of wings.

She walked back over to the bed and sat down on it as she contemplated how she was going to ask John about the events that led up to her family’s murder without breaking down.


End file.
